Thrown to the Whippets

The morning was dull at 7:30 with little prospect of it improving over the next 7 hours. 8 am approached and all the cycling gear was pulled and stretched into place (shorts lubricated with lashings of butt butter) – since when did going out on your bike require so many items of specialized clothing and shoes and lotions.
7:50, I am making sure there is enough air in my tyres (under pressure – Queen) and lube on the moving parts. It was while doing this mundane but essential task i thought “could we put this run to music?”
Eight am and we set off on the first every century run for the spokeclinic….We never got out of Woodside when BP’s chain decided not to play. (Unchained melody – righteous brothers ?) Chain fixed and we bashed Ballo (mountain high – ?) and headed for Knapp and Longforgan. Stopped for the first time at the level crossing (Trainspotting – various artists), we discuss that advert for getting squashed by trains and how as children we put pennies on the tracks just to see what would happen. From here to Dundee is almost forgettable really as nothing happened. The run was event free right through all the cycle paths that we followed. The only notable near miss was when Alan went left I went right and Bill decided the bollard on the cycle path was a movable object! There are lots of dog walkers on this path, some give you room and some just growl. This prompted a question “why do dog walkers swing their little bags of doggy doo like its some sort of prize?” (The big Yin – jobbie Weecher). We rolled into Carnoustie and West Haven on through to East Haven and up to the dual carriage way via the Hatton to get on to the cycle path that leads to Arbroath. Before we start on this cycle path we stop for a drink and an energy bar. I am liking the cycle paths – long ribbons of smooth black tarmac – I take a wrong turn – or more accurately I bleesh past a right turn and almost end up on the dual carriage way – BP follows. The cycle path ends abruptly in a soggy field and them miraculously restarts on the other side of the road. Arbroath next, and we get lifted by the fuzz for running a red light outside the Red Lion Caravan Park. (de do do do de dah dah dah – Police). Sugar and Spice was closed so we sampled some of the back streets of Arbroath (Mysterious way – U2)We head for Lunan Bay, the views are astounding. We are climbing now, catching a couple of horses clip clopping up this quite long hill, we contemplate gripping the tail of the beast and getting a tow… we don’t, and head for Ferryden and Montrose. So far we covered about 45 miles and no tea and no scones. I race for the 30’s at Ferryden. AM is gutted, this is the last 30 I will challenge for. Montrose had one cafe open “Cafe O Clay”, still no scones and no bacon rolls – but they served real tea and the most fab toasties filled with ham and gooey cheese on brown bread…
Refuelled and debts paid we set off for Brechin. We are about a mile and a half up the Brechin road when I realise my trip computer is not recording – somebody forgot to hit the start button. ( ok computer – REM). Brechin arrives really quickly BP and AM are counting 30 signs, I forget who was “winning” at this point. BP would ultimately prevail. There are road works and anther red light, we stop this time just in case the plodette that had words earlier is following us. The light goes green and a car starts to come through the other way – go figure! Under the motorway and on to places I didn’t even know existed – Unthank for example. We stop for tea in Edzell next, standing outside the tea shop drinking from polystyrene cups and scoffing more energy bars. BP offers round again his jelly beans – we lose fillings.
Now a good deal of this run from Arbroath to Edzell has been off highlighter. We decide this is why the miles are just clocking up. How wrong can you be? As it turns out, very! We head for Menmuir and Kirrie, it is into the wind. (highway to hell – AC/DC). I lose touch with the whippet boys a number of times between here and Kirrie. We regroup in Kirrie and head for home. I quickly lose touch with them, I am feeling a bit sick, I think it is the carbo drink. I plough on – I should probably leave a note here to the NFU and all its members who think it is ok to cover roads in mud and not sign them with any warning. My shorts look like I have shit myself. The next 18 miles, I contemplate the wind and mud and just how tired I am. The light is fading fast as I race the lengthening shadows on the road, ticking off all the wee villages as I pound the pedals and skite on the mud. It occurs to me that as I am now effectively on my own and only competing against myself for the 30’s – I win them all (Bicycle race – Queen) . At Campmuir I reach round to my little saddle bag to switch the red light on.. guess where I got cramp? no not my legs… my shoulder.
The trip computer turns 100 as I go past AM’s house, I am quite pleased. I arrive home and wonder how to get off my bike. I stand across this bike for what could have been an eternity before attempting to swing my leg over the saddle does appear to be an impossible task. I dismount and stagger about, how do tri-athletes do this?
I think the butt butter I so liberally applied before cycling for over 7 hours has curdled, or maybe this is what has made my rump so tender.
Run stats: fcuk me it was long, over 100 miles conquered in a day. It is quite an achievement for a fat and unfit almost 50 year old. As for my average speed – that is between me and my computer. I did max out at 41.8


About spokeclinic

The FB cyclist
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7 Responses to Thrown to the Whippets

  1. David says:

    You missed the Beatles Classic “The long and winding road” and not forgetting the theme from Rawhide! Nice one but glad I made my decision not to partake on this occasion. My backside looked bad enough after just 40 courtesy of the NFU.

  2. My arse is in tatters!!!! 100 milers back to back, could not even sit on a bike today, so me thinks that it might be a no goer, legs are okay today though which i am quite happy with.

    • David says:

      Did you have the bike with the Fragile wheels or old faithful?

      • Just the old faithful, with the not so comfy seat, big mistake!!!! Andrew you are right rounder wheels and my comfy seat and I would be off on my 2nd 100 miler in 2 days I think???? Many thanks to the good samaritan for recovering my back light, I hope the payment of sweeties was enough??? Dave the fragile wheels are cast into the abis and will be replaced by nice new Mavic Ksyrium SL thanks to a nice rep from Specialized and a few quid from me!!!! Happy days I hope. Will be out next Sunday, but will have to be in Perth for 11am to watch Rohan at Rugby, so a Perth run could be on the cards or just one that finishes there for me!!!!

  3. spokeclinic says:

    If you had your proper bike with proper round wheels and the saddle you liked, then your arse would not have felt like it had been rogered by Seaman Stains and all his happy crew! So the back to back rides are still on… they might not be 100 milers though :-).

  4. Alan says:

    My firsts words to Ashley this morning was, (its not what you think!) I think I will go and do another hundred miles today(is he mad I hear you saying) No, I had the best nights sleep I have had in years. I was completely knackered last night, it was the last 20 miles from Kirrie that done it.
    I have to say I do not feel any the worst today, cant wait for next Sundays 100 miles! Will your arse have recovered by then Bill?
    It was enjoyable and we were lucky with the weather. You did miss out the bit in your story of me being the good samaratin and stopping on a down hill at 26mph and about turning to pick up BP’s light that had decided to detach itself from its holder.
    Ash has a few works to say.
    It doesn’t take a mathematician to work out what your bike computer said Andrew – eh 7 and a bit hours of cycling over 100 miles!!!

    • spokeclinic says:

      oh but it does … how long is a bit? – don’t be rude now… and the exact distance, yes over 100 miles but by how much…. just a bit, a short bit this time! 🙂

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